Thank You Janet

nicely done

My son can't wait to meet his new stepmommy.

Thanks Janet! You cuddly cupid, you!

Thank You Janet

for makin me Gold Pants, ones I can dance in and make romance in!

He doesn't wear them

My son has an ulcer on his bottom

He has to go without diapers until it's healed.

Thanks Janet, I needed to shampoo my carpets anyway...

C.C. with the M.O.

I used to be unable to eat cottage cheese with mandarin oranges because i was lactose intolerant.

that made me sad because it's my faaavorite

then i got pregnant and my tummy changed and now i can eat it.

thanks janet you freak

I like flickr

I like flickr because I can put up pics and crap.

Then Janet took over and deleted some, I think she's a hack witch.

Thanks a whole truckload, Janet...dumbass.

Afraid

I used to be afraid that I would get so skinny the boys wouldn't like me.

Then I had a baby and now I'm fat.

Thanks for knocking me up, Janet.

Boobs

my baby is too sleepy to eat.

i look like Pamela Anderson.

Thank you, Janet.

Including Poop

babies make several kinds of messes, one is the diaper kind. Including poop.

thank you Janet!

reminder

I couldn't remember the password to this blog.

when i woke up this morning, it was tattooed up and down my arms.

not only will i never forget the password again, i will also look pretty bitchin at motocycle shows.

Thank you Janet.

hangover

This morning I awoke hungover with a mexican in my bed.

and he's wearing my pants.

Thank you Janet.

Crab Dilemma

I wasn't sure if crab meat went with basil. Janet told me to try them sauteed together in a little bit of clarified butter and garlic. She was absolutely right. They tasted like heaven, and not so much like dirty socks... Thank You Janet.

Donkey Brandon

Janet brought her donkey named Brandon over this morning for me to watch. He ran about my family room, trotting this way and that, never stopping to eat his snack of buckwheat and licorice. Soon he was tired of being inside and somehow escaped out the window I'd left cracked to cool pies by, and when I realized it, he was already gone...

I chased him down the hot black street with no shoes on until I got him back, and on the way back home, I lectured him til he could hear no more. He agreed to stay put til Janet came back.

He taught me to never leave the window open and that no matter how much buckwheat you leave out, donkey's never like it mixed with licorice. He also gave me a helluva workout.

Thank you Janet.

Problems

My life is filled with problems. Janet told me it was okay to go on a 5 day drinking bender. I feel better now.

Janet knows.

Delicious!

A woman had shoes on her legs. Janet worried that she might be over-dressed for the occasion, so she whispered to me to ask the woman if she'd rather wear paper flipflops. The woman accepted and the sun shone more brightly than $1000 worth of salad. Ambrocious!

Damn Janet, you're really on the ball. Thank you Janet!

Kiplok

I had a paper envelope on my face, it stuck to the sweat on my brow. Sixlets rolled out of my coffin to lead the delicate march. We were short one lipstick, so Janet provided it.

Thank you Janet.

beautiful hair

Sometimes when I can't imagine what I would look like with red hair, Janet dons a mask of my face that we made out of paper mache, and then she puts on a red wig. I am then able to visualize myself with red hair.

Thank you janet.

i couldn't decide

Today as I was making my spaghetti sauce, I couldn't decide whether to add mushrooms or Italian sausage. Janet advised me to add both. The sauce was delicious.

Thank you Janet.

oil pans

A rock on the freeway puncture the oil pan of my car. It's going to cost me $371 to fix it.

Thank you Janet.

dream

Today I was supposed to wake up at 8:00am and take my car down to the shop. But Janet brought me breakfast in bed, and put sleeping pills in the orange juice so that I could sleep until noon. She was right. I had the best dream, that I would have MISSED.

Thank you Janet.

Sticker Alum

Several stickers were on my face this morning as I awoke to the song of the robins. Janet told me not to remove them, as it is very stylish these days to don stickers of any sort on one's facial skins.

She was right. I won the trophy.

Thank you Janet.

a poem

I wrote a little poem about Janet.

Who? Janet.
Who told me why the sky was blue?
Who help me open a bottle of glue?

Who filled my glass with diet coke?
Who fixed my chair when it was broke?

Who said that syrup is better than cake?
Who'd rather have fish than a juicy steak?

The person I speak of is not from this planet
The person I'm thanking is no other than JANET

Thank you Janet.

Is a theme really necessary?

Janet says no. So this post is about bagels.

Thank you Janet.

The Day I met Janet

I was in the corner shoe store, and I was trying to find a nice pair of mary janes to match my cute beige slacks. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Janet. She looked like she knew a thing or two about shoes and slacks, so I asked for her help. She pointed me to a pair of Mary Janes that were CLEARLY designed specifically to be worn with beige slacks. I couldn't have done it without her.

Thank you Janet.

Why?

Why do the stars seem to twinkle?

I dont know.

But i bet Janet does, and she'd explain it to me if I asked her.

Thank you Janet.

blogging.

I used to think that I could never blog about something worth reading. But Janet taught me otherwise.

Thank you Janet.

Pulminary Heart Disorder

once while watching tv, they said "pulminary heart disorder". I didn't know what that disease was, but Janet explained it to me.

Thank you janet.

Lint

Janet left a small piece of lint on the left shoulder of my grey sweatshirt.

Thank you janet.

i thought i would be good at this

but so far i'm unimpressed with my performance

look at me go!

there's no such thing as starting out too small!

oh i get it

this is like a joke right?

Thank You Janet

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

nicely done

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Thank You Janet

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

He doesn't wear them

C.C. with the M.O.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I like flickr

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Afraid

Boobs

Monday, May 22, 2006

Including Poop

reminder

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

hangover

Crab Dilemma

Donkey Brandon

Friday, July 08, 2005

Problems

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Delicious!

Kiplok

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

beautiful hair

i couldn't decide

oil pans

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

dream

Sticker Alum

Monday, June 27, 2005

a poem

Is a theme really necessary?

The Day I met Janet

Why?

blogging.

Pulminary Heart Disorder

Lint

Sunday, June 26, 2005

i thought i would be good at this

look at me go!

oh i get it

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